finding the quiet

Okay, so it is a two blog kind of day. I am feeling a bit philosophical and can think of nothing better to do right now than write.
I am in such a cool place with the Lord. His voice is clear and soft and loud at the same time. I know it's not a common place to be because people look at me like I have 6 heads when I talk about it. It's a solemn cave. I am mournful and that's probably the best way to describe it. There are times when the flesh wants to talk and I feel the "pull back" in my spirit. This has to be maturity. Everything in me wants to correct a mistake or speak up if I know something, but I am stopped. I simply smile when those around me are quick to change something I say if they don't understand it. It makes us humans uncomfortable to see another going through something we ourselves don't understand.
Christ is too big claim any relevance on our own. It makes us feel good to know things, to accomplish goals, and to overcome obstacles. When I decided to not do any of those things for a bit, it hurt. When I decided to be wrong, especially when I thought I was right, I squirmed. I am by no means a humble soul... my flesh peeks through and I am self righteous, prideful, and argumentative. I am not talking about those times, but rather the moments when Christ is my all. When He is enough that I don't have to chime in to a conversation with my two cents. Those times are not at all what I expected.
For the longest time I didn't know that Christ was inside me. I had to live by faith because there was no other proof, if you will. Now, I am seeing, hearing, feeling, and thinking glimpses of Jesus Christ! I have proof enough for myself. He changes people and He's changing me. It took long enough.
I am truly fascinated. The will to be heard and be first is a strong one. I've lived my entire life by that will. I see most of the world living by that will. The only way I know I am being transformed is when I come face to face with those still living by the power of themselves. I have to be honest and admit that I am an extremely sensitive girl that holds grudges. It hurt me when people(usually those I don't even care about) would call me out on something I did or said that was wrong. I would look for ways to defend myself or find fault in them.
I think that the Lord created me to be so sensitive to those things so that I could see the change that was happening in myself one day. The world is a harsh place, but the perfect place to shine.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Jackie