My, Christ is big. Big enough that He gets into places in my heart I never wanted Him to go into, until now. He is all truth and meaning in my life, but to get here I didn't have to seek Him out the way I thought I needed to. I tried for so many years to let the Christian part of me overpower the 'flesh' part of me. I had my 'church' friends, my friends not from church, and my family. All these different groups of people that I could be a different version of myself with each group. I had my Christian 'heart' or personality, and then I had my flesh one. I was one or the other at any point in time.
Something amazing is happening in my soul. The two parts are becoming one person and it's because Christ has my full persmission to enter into me completely.
I am complete in Him. Totally complete. That means that no matter how long I live, how much ministry I engage in, how much Scripture I learn, how much theology I study, and how may hours I spend praying I will never get beyond Christ. It doesn't get any better than Christ.
Before letting go of religion, I had been learning all these methods and tricks. How to pray, how to seek Him, how to this and that. All I need is Him. Now I have heard some argue that 'we need certain ministries or certain ministry positions'. I don't. All I need is Christ. I actually do have authority over me, as we all do. But my authority shares Christ and only Christ and does not fill a paid position. He does not 'peddle the Word for profit' as Paul would say. I like that the leaders in my life arise naturally. They are never appointed a position. I like that the leaders in my life share Christ with me and never try to 'teach' me things. I see that this is also what the New Testament believers had as well.
When I look to Christ instead of my Brothers and my Sisters, I actually end up finding Him in them. It is hard to be anything other than humble when I am seeing Christ in another human. Instead of Christ simply 'bringing out the Christ in me' he is forming Christ in me. As He is being formed in me, it's easy to allow Him access to my whole heart.
Another thing I want to mention is that I am pretty perceptive as most women are. I can almost always tell when a little manipulating/deceiving is going on even though I just smile and politely act as if I don't know. This has made me kind of a paraniod person. What I am noticing lately is that Christ is allowing me to see the good, see Him, in His children. When there is no other agenda than Christ, I know that I am not going to be manipulated, stepped on, taken advantage of, or lied to. Not to say that my feelings won't ever get hurt by another, but I don't have to worry about agendas. By agendas, I mean money(like, a paid postition), power(leadership positions to be filled), personal pride(wanting to be the big fish), and standard jealousy(she's going to be liked more than me, then I will be forgotten). I have come across all these agendas in institutional church and my reaction has been to back down and hide away. I was never after a postition or a coveted spot in a clique. To be honest those things destracted me and made me wonder why I even stepped into a church in the first place. I want Christ, not programs and people with positions. So now I am out of the institutional church. I don't have a pastor or a spot I need to work to fill in the church. I have Christ. I have others who are so infatuated and engulfed in Christ that I couldn't imagine ever having time for positions and organized religion.
So this is what it is like to be in a relationship with Him for me. I no longer am seperate people with each group I am with. I am a girl who is learning that Christ dwells within and that I have freedom to embrace Him in others and to share Him with others as well.
Thanks for reading.
He Lives In Me,
Jackie
