There is a real person inside, the Life of Christ. This person is becoming infused in me like a tea bag in hot water(not my words, borrowing from a great teacher). It cannot be seperated.
It is Christ that leads me to show kindness and it is only Christ if I ever do anything selfless. There are things that could be perceived as selfless, but if the old man is doing them, those acts are motivated by flesh. The motives are not of Love, but of something else. When the Lord brings us to our end, there is a death and then a resurrection, and then after that there is a new Life that is growing inside like a baby. After receiving this new Life, everything changes and the Life begins to grow and take up more space.
The life of Love inside will compell me to do things I really do not want to do. Things that I will never in a million years get glory for. Every Christian that has this Life inside will be given this new way to live.
This way that seems so hard. But so worth it. The glory is not in any credit we receive, but in knowing that His blood is flowing through us and changing who we are and what we do.
There is a silent sense of safety in this new life. Because it is Christ that is living in Shane(made up person) and Christ that is leading Shane to change and everyday become more like Jesus Himself, than we would be fools to reject Shane or ignore him, or judge him, or any of the other things we do to people.
Now I know this is nothing new here, but I am having a pretty big revelation on the concept that I need to treat every person as though Christ were living inside.
What if someone I didn't know very well, such as Shane, had our Lord living in Him and was carrying out His will in him? And I, not knowing Shane was a Christian because he didn't go to my small group, secretly judged his motives for opening the door for a lady. When all along it was Christ leading Shane to do this. I would have just judged the Master of my Universe. Ouch.
The same thing happens with those I know are walking with the Lord. Sometimes I catch myself judging a motive here or there. Boy, am I dead wrong in doing that. Who's to say that Christ isn't leading the very action I have judged.
Sorry to bring you along on my very simple and long overdue mind journey here.
I hope Christ continues to clear up my head the way He's been doing. So many things are making sense to me now. I enjoy writing about it so I can look back years from now and read about the day I learned it was good to be kind to everyone.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
learning to live by Love
This entry comes after a particularly difficult day with my children. I have three boys that are 2, 5, and 7. They bring me so much joy. They are curious, full of love and life, and love me so much that it flatters me sometimes.
Two of my boys have specific needs that go above and beyond the typical parenting day to day duties. One of them struggles to communicate his needs as we all learn to adjust to his alternate way of seeing the world. He is on the autism spectrum.
Another one of my children is so hyperactive that we can't get through half a day before he has hurt himself or his brothers accidentally. He struggles to pay attention long enough to complete a task as simple as putting his shorts on. He is immediately distracted at anything taking more than one step to do.
These are not behavior problems or issues. They have both been progressive and ongoing and I have seen the changes gradually happen before my eyes.
That doesn't mean that I am as understanding or as patient as I would like to be. I research and consult and still find that there is so much unknown about both autism and adhd.
After speaking with someone who had severe adhd as a child, and took medicine for it, I knew that medication was not the route to take for our family. I do not want them to have to deal with the serious side effects that those medicines cause. That is a major reason why we continue to homeschool when times get tough.
As a teacher I can give my sons the time and space they need in order to work at their own pace. I also don't have to be forced into putting them on medication.
One of the less difficult parts of all of this is something I'd like to write about, maybe to help others understand. Many people don't live with someone who lives life with an extra obstacle, but I know many people who do. The ones who do have been a great source of encouragement and comfort to me as I know I am not alone in what I go through each and every day. For as long as I can remember a lot of well meaning friends and family members have tried to give me advice as though my children had behavior issues. I have been offered a lot of creative and great advice, that unfortunately I can't use because I am not parenting children who respond or who need stricter guidelines or more punishment.
Parenting a child is always hard sometimes. Trying to think outside the box when there is a special need can be met with judgement, critism, or even just plain old misunderstanding. As much as I want to be shown mercy by those that don't understand, I am learning to show mercy to them as well. I would always smile politely and take another parent's advice, but unless that parent has a child that deals with autism and adhd on an 'every waking hour' basis, I would secretly be a little angry. As if I was being told I wasn't parenting well enough.
I now know that it was my own insecurities that project those thoughts. People want to be helpful by nature. When a fellow mom or dad sees me struggle, naturally they want to help. That's all. There is no big conspiracy to get me to "keep my kids in line a little better".
As many of you know, lately I have been under the weather. Dealing with health issues that involve pain. Pain that makes me less patient and a heck of a lot more irritable. I am telling myself what I wish I could tell others all the time.
My children are loving and intelligent. They are my full time job right now, as well as I am responsible for all of their education and I take that very seriously.
I am not going to be perfect at it. No mother is, but I am the perfect mother for my children. If they seem "wild" or "cranky", it is not because I don't punish them(believe me I do) or that I don't spend almost every moment on being a mom that tries to think outside the box so that my children have as normal life as possible.
They deal things that I never had to.
I try to be understanding and respectful of that.
And I am also going to be understanding and respectful of those who don't know much about my children. It is one more struggle, but I am finding a new way to live that doesn't require so much energy and effort. The same life that I am trying to teach my children to live by.
I hope that this blog entry shows a little insight as to what a stay at home mom of children with struggles deals with. I know we all deal with struggles, this is one of mine. I am learning and growing each day. And Jesus is good to us.
Love,
Jackie
Two of my boys have specific needs that go above and beyond the typical parenting day to day duties. One of them struggles to communicate his needs as we all learn to adjust to his alternate way of seeing the world. He is on the autism spectrum.
Another one of my children is so hyperactive that we can't get through half a day before he has hurt himself or his brothers accidentally. He struggles to pay attention long enough to complete a task as simple as putting his shorts on. He is immediately distracted at anything taking more than one step to do.
These are not behavior problems or issues. They have both been progressive and ongoing and I have seen the changes gradually happen before my eyes.
That doesn't mean that I am as understanding or as patient as I would like to be. I research and consult and still find that there is so much unknown about both autism and adhd.
After speaking with someone who had severe adhd as a child, and took medicine for it, I knew that medication was not the route to take for our family. I do not want them to have to deal with the serious side effects that those medicines cause. That is a major reason why we continue to homeschool when times get tough.
As a teacher I can give my sons the time and space they need in order to work at their own pace. I also don't have to be forced into putting them on medication.
One of the less difficult parts of all of this is something I'd like to write about, maybe to help others understand. Many people don't live with someone who lives life with an extra obstacle, but I know many people who do. The ones who do have been a great source of encouragement and comfort to me as I know I am not alone in what I go through each and every day. For as long as I can remember a lot of well meaning friends and family members have tried to give me advice as though my children had behavior issues. I have been offered a lot of creative and great advice, that unfortunately I can't use because I am not parenting children who respond or who need stricter guidelines or more punishment.
Parenting a child is always hard sometimes. Trying to think outside the box when there is a special need can be met with judgement, critism, or even just plain old misunderstanding. As much as I want to be shown mercy by those that don't understand, I am learning to show mercy to them as well. I would always smile politely and take another parent's advice, but unless that parent has a child that deals with autism and adhd on an 'every waking hour' basis, I would secretly be a little angry. As if I was being told I wasn't parenting well enough.
I now know that it was my own insecurities that project those thoughts. People want to be helpful by nature. When a fellow mom or dad sees me struggle, naturally they want to help. That's all. There is no big conspiracy to get me to "keep my kids in line a little better".
As many of you know, lately I have been under the weather. Dealing with health issues that involve pain. Pain that makes me less patient and a heck of a lot more irritable. I am telling myself what I wish I could tell others all the time.
My children are loving and intelligent. They are my full time job right now, as well as I am responsible for all of their education and I take that very seriously.
I am not going to be perfect at it. No mother is, but I am the perfect mother for my children. If they seem "wild" or "cranky", it is not because I don't punish them(believe me I do) or that I don't spend almost every moment on being a mom that tries to think outside the box so that my children have as normal life as possible.
They deal things that I never had to.
I try to be understanding and respectful of that.
And I am also going to be understanding and respectful of those who don't know much about my children. It is one more struggle, but I am finding a new way to live that doesn't require so much energy and effort. The same life that I am trying to teach my children to live by.
I hope that this blog entry shows a little insight as to what a stay at home mom of children with struggles deals with. I know we all deal with struggles, this is one of mine. I am learning and growing each day. And Jesus is good to us.
Love,
Jackie
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