Something amazing is happening... Christ is being magnified in everything on earth. Everything I see, do, and listen to cries out for Him. Christ is just too big to ever describe in a blog, book, or even a lifetime, so I will focus on His amazing mercy in this one.
I always thought that the God of the old testament was too good and too perfect to show mercy. He is perfection so how can He lower Himself to do something such as forgive? Well, first I am coming to see that Christ is one with His Father. So the fact that the mystery was not even revealed yet in the old testament means nothing. Christ was Christ before He was even born. We had forgiveness and reconciliation. Those two things have been wrapped up in Him before we were brought to life.
Second, the nature of our Lord is Love. Love sets the standard for perfection. God is Love and Love is God. And who is Love not to forgive?
Often times in my past I assumed that it was the Lord condemning me when in fact I was condemning myself. Christ, Perfect Love, has hidden me inside of Himself.
There have been a lot of things weighing heavy on my heart lately. Things that in the earthly life are serious, but to the Lord are very small.
Now, I had always been taught that my problems are very important to the Lord. No prayer is too small. The Lord will hear and answer my prayers...
Hogwash. Christ is the answer to prayer. He Himself has said that He is the way to forgiveness, life, and the Father. Not a prayer of salvation, not a daily bible reading or prayer, and not even a Sunday service. Jesus Christ has given us Himself and He is enough.
In beholding Him and recognizing the heavenly places that we are seating with Him in right now, I understand that my problems are but an illusion. Christ is a reality and this life is the shadow.
I have heard things like this said before, but thought that it didn't change anything. I still have pain, grief, and need help. So I prayed for help for them. Sometimes the problems went away and sometimes they didn't. Then this shift in mercy came.
Christ becomes everything. And the problems are kinda' there, but kinda' not. Next to Christ's glory and splendor, the problems are small enough to vanish. They are still there in the earthly sense, except that now I am next to Him and so they are insignificant. The only time the physical pain and other issues become important is when I forget who I am and where I am seated.
So I no longer "pray for" anything other than Christ. Jesus is the answer to every single question, prayer, and problem on heaven and earth so why pray for anything other than Him.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jackie
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
the weekend
Guilt, anxiety, feelings of uneasiness are all things that I deal with. I know others do too, but I will only speak of and for myself in this one.
As you know I got off my pain meds after being on them for years. In addition to keeping me mostly pain-free, they also helped me handle stress... better than I do now anyway. I wish I could say that I am happy to be off my medicine, that life has gotten so much better, and that it was the best decision I ever made. Unfortunately, now in addition to being in pain sometimes I find that I can't handle stress at all. Two weeks after my last pill my grandma Marion died. Two weeks after that my grand mom Peggy(who was so much more than just my grand mom to me) died. Then the panic attacks. Then thoughts of needing my medicine because I thought the Lord wasn't helping me fast enough.
My husband and I got to talk a lot this weekend. It was nice having time with him. I also got to speak with others who have been in my spot before. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in my first year off this medicine. It seems like life that I used to handle so easily is now overwhelming me.
There are 2 things in my life that the Lord has led me to do. All the other decisions were based on my needs, wants or what I thought I should be doing, but there are two very clear convictions in my heart from the Lord: organic church and how I parent(homeschooling my kids is at the heart of how I parent). So, with this in mind everything needs to center around Christ. And the two things that need to be in my life at this point are body life and bringing up my kids in the Lord in the very specific way He has impressed on me. Both equally important although at times one or the other can take up more time. Again, I know this is only for me. I am not so dense to think that what He's put in my heart is best for everyone. Thinking that that would be judgemental at best.
All the pressure in my life outside of these two things are all extra. They can be eliminated. The pressure to pretend like I am not in a lot of pain when I am... is extra. The pressure to have friends and have a social life... is extra. The pressure to keep up on housework and cleaning... is extra. The pressure to lose weight... is extra. The pressure have a great life so soon after getting off the meds... will cause me to go back on them. I went straight from a traumatise incident(hubby's aneurysm) into my meds and numbed myself for years. Trying to ignore the fact that I am not going to be able to do the things I used to do, will cause a breakdown. Trying to keep up with the pace of a normal person will cause anyone in my shoes to fall.
A great friend who is also a fellow Saint talked to me this weekend about relaxing. Both my husband and this friend are somewhat "forcing" me to take it easy. My husband is actually putting his foot down in making me take time for myself once a week while he hires a caregiver for the kids. They encouraged me to start saying no to things that are overwhelming and that are too hard right now. I didn't give myself any time at all to heal. I did the physical detox and then ignored all the signs of being unwell in my spirit and my soul. I need time with the Body sharing Christ and I also need to be as involved with my children as the Lord directs me to. Everything else is going to have to take a break so that I can be whole and well and healthy again.
It's funny. I thought that in taking time for myself I was being selfish. I knew that the Lord directed others to do so. He even called Brother Paul out into the wilderness for a few years by himself, before going to establish churches. But as for me, I was never one to take a break and rest in Him. I would think that I was resting as I did the dishes. Honestly, I thought that if I got to do one thing at a time, instead of multi-tasking, that I was resting. Now, He is truly calling me to rest in Him as if it were my job. I need to learn who I am in Him. The Saint I mentioned earlier asked me what my perfect day would be. You know, for the life of me I could not come up with anything. I have no idea what I like or what I like to do. To get real honest here, at this moment my perfect day would be a medicated one so I wouldn't have abdominal pain or anxiety. Beyond that I have never felt worthy of doing anything I enjoy.
Being with a hotel full of Saints does something for the soul. It brings me back to Christ and makes me fall in love with His body all over again. I didn't get together with others too much after the sessions, but I am beginning to discover that I can only do what I am capable of and handle only what the Lord is putting on my plate and not feel guilty about the rest. Christ is all and is in all.
Thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
As you know I got off my pain meds after being on them for years. In addition to keeping me mostly pain-free, they also helped me handle stress... better than I do now anyway. I wish I could say that I am happy to be off my medicine, that life has gotten so much better, and that it was the best decision I ever made. Unfortunately, now in addition to being in pain sometimes I find that I can't handle stress at all. Two weeks after my last pill my grandma Marion died. Two weeks after that my grand mom Peggy(who was so much more than just my grand mom to me) died. Then the panic attacks. Then thoughts of needing my medicine because I thought the Lord wasn't helping me fast enough.
My husband and I got to talk a lot this weekend. It was nice having time with him. I also got to speak with others who have been in my spot before. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in my first year off this medicine. It seems like life that I used to handle so easily is now overwhelming me.
There are 2 things in my life that the Lord has led me to do. All the other decisions were based on my needs, wants or what I thought I should be doing, but there are two very clear convictions in my heart from the Lord: organic church and how I parent(homeschooling my kids is at the heart of how I parent). So, with this in mind everything needs to center around Christ. And the two things that need to be in my life at this point are body life and bringing up my kids in the Lord in the very specific way He has impressed on me. Both equally important although at times one or the other can take up more time. Again, I know this is only for me. I am not so dense to think that what He's put in my heart is best for everyone. Thinking that that would be judgemental at best.
All the pressure in my life outside of these two things are all extra. They can be eliminated. The pressure to pretend like I am not in a lot of pain when I am... is extra. The pressure to have friends and have a social life... is extra. The pressure to keep up on housework and cleaning... is extra. The pressure to lose weight... is extra. The pressure have a great life so soon after getting off the meds... will cause me to go back on them. I went straight from a traumatise incident(hubby's aneurysm) into my meds and numbed myself for years. Trying to ignore the fact that I am not going to be able to do the things I used to do, will cause a breakdown. Trying to keep up with the pace of a normal person will cause anyone in my shoes to fall.
A great friend who is also a fellow Saint talked to me this weekend about relaxing. Both my husband and this friend are somewhat "forcing" me to take it easy. My husband is actually putting his foot down in making me take time for myself once a week while he hires a caregiver for the kids. They encouraged me to start saying no to things that are overwhelming and that are too hard right now. I didn't give myself any time at all to heal. I did the physical detox and then ignored all the signs of being unwell in my spirit and my soul. I need time with the Body sharing Christ and I also need to be as involved with my children as the Lord directs me to. Everything else is going to have to take a break so that I can be whole and well and healthy again.
It's funny. I thought that in taking time for myself I was being selfish. I knew that the Lord directed others to do so. He even called Brother Paul out into the wilderness for a few years by himself, before going to establish churches. But as for me, I was never one to take a break and rest in Him. I would think that I was resting as I did the dishes. Honestly, I thought that if I got to do one thing at a time, instead of multi-tasking, that I was resting. Now, He is truly calling me to rest in Him as if it were my job. I need to learn who I am in Him. The Saint I mentioned earlier asked me what my perfect day would be. You know, for the life of me I could not come up with anything. I have no idea what I like or what I like to do. To get real honest here, at this moment my perfect day would be a medicated one so I wouldn't have abdominal pain or anxiety. Beyond that I have never felt worthy of doing anything I enjoy.
Being with a hotel full of Saints does something for the soul. It brings me back to Christ and makes me fall in love with His body all over again. I didn't get together with others too much after the sessions, but I am beginning to discover that I can only do what I am capable of and handle only what the Lord is putting on my plate and not feel guilty about the rest. Christ is all and is in all.
Thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
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