Even though times are hard there is so much joy in Christ's life. Discovering each day what it means to turn to Christ is irritatingly hard. Everything I thought I knew about my faith was thrown out the window the day I decided to follow Him outside of the institutional church.
It hits me at some point several times throughout the day that I am in Him, I am following Him, and I have finally, finally found Him. When I became a Christian there was so much joy. There was a lot of pain and suffering(I was in year long a rehabilitation program), but there was most of all joy. Now, 13 years later, I have been returned to Him. I have finally been given back the joy that comes only through knowing Christ.
I used to read that scripture that talks about seeking Him with all my heart and when I seek Him with all my heart then I will find Him. I sought Him with all my heart for what felt like an eternity without knowing if I was 'finding' Him. I didn't know what it would be like to find Him. Would I get really spiritual? Would life hurt less?
What I learned most in finding Him is that He is not hiding and it's not hard to find Him. If I am desperate enough. I didn't find Him so much as I found that He is always within.
Chris and I are struggling right now in so many unspeakable ways. But we have Christ at the heart of our marriage and our lives. He heals us and guides us. Above all else, we have joy. We have such deep joy in Christ. When I realized that recently, it hit me that I have finally found Him! All of that seeking Him and all I had to do was open my eyes to see that He never went anywhere.
I was seeking Him and found freedom. He is freedom. I was seeking Him and found joy. He is joy. I was seeking Him and found fullness in every little detail of my life... He is that fullness.
In seeking Him I have become less. It is no longer I who do the things that I once claimed glory for. It truly is Christ who lives and is the goodness that fills my soul.
So... even though life is difficult to the ninth power right now, His joy is un-freakin'-shakable.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
His Way
Ahhh, the joy of dying to self... and the pain that comes along with it.
Letting go of all the expectations that have been in my heart is frustrating. Realizing that Christ is my everything when I want nothing more than to focus on my emotions, is hard.
It is Christ that surrounds me and that is the reason for my every breath. I say His name in each breath. Yahweh. As I contemplate knowing His desires and His heart I wonder why I still worry about earthly life. There is nothing big facing me right now. I love my home and the people that I see each day. I love the women that the Lord has made into my band of Sisters. I love that the Lord has answered my prayer and given my a closer relationship and more patience with my kids.
As you can see I have the best of life!
What I have not learned yet is to ignore the discontentment in others. I am not talking about the needs or feelings of people, but the rude actions of others. Being rude is a way of life in our culture today. It is encouraged everywhere. And for some reason, I still get hurt feelings by it.
Even as I type this I am seeing that I expect too much. I am learning to live by Christ's life. The same love that rescued the earth is dwelling inside of me and ministering to me, teaching me how to live. That is amazing! That is how the Lord designed it to work. So where does hurt feelings fit into all of this?
I suppose this is where I lay down my hurt feelings and acknowledge they are there, but that I am choosing Christ instead. Lord Jesus Christ is living on the earth today in His people and I am choosing Him. I cannot force another to choose Him, I can only look to Him myself.
These are painful lessons and all new to this Saint. As I end this, let me just say how much I love life right now, even as I lay it all down. I love being in Gainesville so much. The Body life with Brothers and Sisters in the Lord is an answer to prayer. It is what I've been seeking for all my years as a Christian. I love to watch the Lord get what He wants and be our Life.
Everything is a testament to Him and the glory is all His, that's what this daily death is all about.
Thanks for reading,
Jackie
Letting go of all the expectations that have been in my heart is frustrating. Realizing that Christ is my everything when I want nothing more than to focus on my emotions, is hard.
It is Christ that surrounds me and that is the reason for my every breath. I say His name in each breath. Yahweh. As I contemplate knowing His desires and His heart I wonder why I still worry about earthly life. There is nothing big facing me right now. I love my home and the people that I see each day. I love the women that the Lord has made into my band of Sisters. I love that the Lord has answered my prayer and given my a closer relationship and more patience with my kids.
As you can see I have the best of life!
What I have not learned yet is to ignore the discontentment in others. I am not talking about the needs or feelings of people, but the rude actions of others. Being rude is a way of life in our culture today. It is encouraged everywhere. And for some reason, I still get hurt feelings by it.
Even as I type this I am seeing that I expect too much. I am learning to live by Christ's life. The same love that rescued the earth is dwelling inside of me and ministering to me, teaching me how to live. That is amazing! That is how the Lord designed it to work. So where does hurt feelings fit into all of this?
I suppose this is where I lay down my hurt feelings and acknowledge they are there, but that I am choosing Christ instead. Lord Jesus Christ is living on the earth today in His people and I am choosing Him. I cannot force another to choose Him, I can only look to Him myself.
These are painful lessons and all new to this Saint. As I end this, let me just say how much I love life right now, even as I lay it all down. I love being in Gainesville so much. The Body life with Brothers and Sisters in the Lord is an answer to prayer. It is what I've been seeking for all my years as a Christian. I love to watch the Lord get what He wants and be our Life.
Everything is a testament to Him and the glory is all His, that's what this daily death is all about.
Thanks for reading,
Jackie
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