I'm His

Christ gave his disciples one new commandment right before He went to the cross.
John 13:34 "I give you a new commandment: That you should love one and other just as I have love you, so you too should love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples..."
In going through a dark, depressed time I have asked my husband over and over again... what does the love look like? It's the lack of what I think love is, that's hurting my heart.
I want human connection. I want another person to desire to talk with me, know me, hug me, or just be with me. My husband and my children give me that. It's a beautiful picture of Christ. But sometimes I want more.
Here's what I think love looks like. I think it's everything Christ did or said. I think it's so much deeper than we could ever comprehend. Love is reaching my arm out and giving to another that can't give back. Love is being kind to everyone, not just our friends. Love is putting myself last, but knowing that in Christ my worth is immeasurable.
I feel so isolated. Being a Christian in this point of my life is the most isolated, lonely thing that I have ever done. But I am doing it to follow Christ(in what that means to me and Chris.) I had friends and groups and playdates and people. I left it all for Him because He called me to a town with people I barely know, but those He wants me with. It's scary. What if I live here for 10 years and don't make a single friend? What if I never get the human connection I feel I need?
I feel the Lord telling me "So what? You follow me."
Following the Lord is hard and scary. I can tell you that I was elated when I began to know and discover Him, but then came the cross. It's easy to love Him when everything is going well and I have friends and a social life, and my husband is home after work, and things were going my way.
I am starting to think that the Lord took away my human connection with everyone but my family so that I could face this cross. Would I still love Him when no one calls for weeks and weeks? Would I still love Him when I open my heart up and get no replies? Would I still love Him when I feel like I will be alone forever and I can't take the pain anymore?
The answer is a YES!! Not only that, but I will love others too. And that's how I'll know I'm His and he hasn't left me. I'll love those who don't know me, those who reject me, and those who the Lord places in my path because He is all that matters.
Even if it stays this way forever, I will love Him.
Thanks for reading,
Jackie