I admit it. I am overwhelmed a LOT. I have become very busy because I have taken on many things over the years. Some of it has been because of personal beliefs and convictions. Some of it has been convictions from the Lord. I don't regret doing any of the things on my plate. If anything I believe that everything I do and everything the Lord gives me is good. I enjoy my lot in life very much. I know how blessed I am to be at home with my kids. But it doesn't stop me from feeling like I need a break. It doesn't keep me from feeling lonely.
Lately I have been feeling wound up. I keep waiting for a break to come. Usually on the weekend Chris watches the kids while I grocery shop and run on the treadmill. This Saturday I didn't get that. Chris wasn't feeling well so I brought the kids with me. It's hard to enjoy my family because I feel so burdened by the responsibility of taking care of them. Last night I couldn't sleep. I was sad and trying to seek out the Lord to find my strength to keep going. It would be all too easy to break down and just quit. I could quit homeschooling, quit organic church and get my husband back, quit everything that isn't just for me. I just became a direct sales consultant for 31. I have no desire to quit that because it'll get me out of the house without any kids.
In my time with the Lord last night He brought to mind His yoke and encouraged me that it is light. But I don't really know what that means. Why do I feel so burned out and run down?
In the last few days I have been more vocal about what I need. I have let my husband know that I need some time soon. Time for myself. That's hard to do. I don't ever want him to think less of me as a wife. i don't ever want him to think that I can't handle taking care of our home. But I think that the Lord is wanting me to ask for this. I also had another opportunity where I spoke up about a desire I had involving more rest for myself in a situation. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, but I did it. And it's because I am desperate for what I need. It takes being at the end of myself to reach out and ask for things. And that's where I saw Christ.
It's that way with Him. It takes being thirsty for Him and hungry for Him before seeking Him out violently. A well fed girl isn't going to do whatever she has to in order to get food, but will be more relaxed and willing to wait. Christ is my daily food. When I am in a land that has plenty I can become lazy and unappreciative of Him. When He is sparse in my life, I must look outside of myself and seek Him out.
As I wrap this up I begin to feel the heaviness of the day weighing on me. The hubby is at a race today and so I need to get the kids ready, pack up our games and food and go cheer him on and support him. And after that I may just ask for a break. :)
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Jackie
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