livin' it

Life has so much to offer. The older I get, the more I discover that there is no 'one' way to be. For example, for the last 10 years or so I tried to be a type of person that I wasn't in order to fit onto the 'christian' mold. I remember getting rid of movies that I loved in order to 'guard my heart', when in fact, there was nothing wrong or bad about those movies. They just weren't christian.
Another example is in my homeschooling. I joined some online support groups. What I noticed about a lot of the Moms I met was that their whole lives centered around homeschooling. The lifestyle had taken over and become number one in their families. So I became obsessed with this style of taking care of my kids and family. But then I began going through hard times(getting off my meds) and schooling wasn't the biggest part of my life anymore. And I have come to see that I like it this way.
Most of my life has been spent searching for Christ and finding out who I am in Him. I have learned a lot over the years, but it's only been recently that I am finding the real treasure. There is nothing that makes me who I am other than Christ. I defined who I was by what I was into at the moment. When I was younger, I was an opiate addict. It consumed me fully and I thought that for the rest of my life I would be in a love affair with the almighty opiate. She turned out to be a wicked bitch to serve. I was spared from her grip.
My early twenties were spent meeting and falling in love with Christ. I shunned traditional 'drug recovery' because why follow a man made plan for being free when I could have the living Christ. In the beginning it was pure and right. I joined a church at one point and wasn't feelin' it so I left. Since then I have searched for who I am in whatever my latest thing was... health nut, raw food diet, stay at home mommy, working mommy, volunteer, life of the party, homeschooler, and finally Christian. But not a woman who has Christ as her Lord. I was the Christian that the world taught me to be. The type who worries about my own sin and strives to overcome it. The type that served on every committee I could sign up for at church. I spent countless hours in prayer and meditation every week. I studied my bible and memorized scripture on a daily basis. I prayed without ceasing and worshipped through song each morning. And I didn't even know my Lord. But, I was the perfect little Christian. Until I began to ask questions and stand firm in some of my convictions(most notably, Christ is the Head of His Body, not a pastor. It all started with a little red book that takes dead aim at the holy grail of religion today:the modern day pastoral office. The book is called Pagan Christianity and it's by Frank Viola who is an amazing man of God and a person I call Brother). Then I was the rebel, troublemaker, and whatever else would make the religious feel better to call me. I stayed the outcast for a little while.
Then I met Christ again. Just like I had in my late teen years. And I began to fall in love with Him in a new way. For the first time I am seeing that all these parts of me and of my past make up who I am. I don't have to choose to be one way. I can be free to spend time on the things that have become enjoyable parts of life. I can be a homeschooler, without it being my religion. I can accept that I am a person who enjoys pod tea(legal tea blend made from the poppy plant) for the mild relaxation it brings when life gets physically painful. I can also be a health nut at the same time. I can be all the things and Christ will still be my Lord. I find that I actually have way more fellowship with Him now than I did spending all those years working and volunteering in 'ministry'. A perfect example of this new outlook: a mom asked me if I use christian curriculum in my homeschooling. I thought this was a really interesting question. I went to my favorite verse in the bible that I use in almost all my blogs(not real sure where, other than in Colossians)... Christ is all and is in all. I use curriculum and because I am in Christ, it is Christian. No matter what I use it will be Christian curriculum. That is how I feel about life. I can be all these things and still be totally and completely in the Lord, belonging to Him and serving Him. Even though it may not look like what the world or the conventional, institutional church thinks it should look like.
Thanks for reading.
Loving Him,
Jackie