sunday

After years and years of struggle, Chris and I are finally at a place where our commitment to eachother is no longer our own. We have submitted our lives and our marriage, as well as our parenting to the Lord. It's all His and we do as He wishes with them. Someone in my life that's going through a very difficult time told me that he looks to me as an example of coming through hardship to the other side of being healthy and happy. Who would have thought?
Since hearing that I have stood back and looked at all that's happened and the time that it's happened in...
I was an angry and miserable person. Never in a million years did I think that I would be a good example of anything. I always looked to those who didn't have the same traumatic events happen to them as the ones who were healthy. We all have bad things happen in life, but it seemed like I got the short end of the stick somewhere. My husband often tells me that I have had more to deal with in one life than anyone should ever have happen to them. It seems like "once in a lifetime" events happened every few years for me. I was the LAST person to ever be looked to for an example of anything good.
I hadn't realized how much had changed in three years. I didn't know the Lord was so big. And I can't believe how quickly he works. After Chris had his aneurysm I thought I would never be the same again, in the bad way. I could feel my spirit and soul shutting down. It felt like I was entering into a nervous breakdown that I would never see my way out of. It was the straw that broke the camel's back in my life. We could never have a normal life or a normal family again. I would never have the nice life that I wanted, being a stay at home mom with a husband that loved me and a group of great friends.
I was wrong.
I can only give credit where credit is do and say that it was Christ working in my life to restore everything. (This is the part of my blog where I shamelessly brag on my children.) I even got to be a good mom. I am not a kids person. I don't really like kids and have always had to struggle to maintain patience with them. But, the Lord opened these hidden doors in my heart that weren't there before. It was love for my children that was hidden in my heart. Ben made me a mommy, Hunter made me a good mommy, and Jake made me a fun mommy. My kids are too good. I don't deserve such well behaved, loving, warm hearted little boys. My kids love the Lord with all their hearts and are able to share that love with the world. They are the most forgiving and unselfish people I have ever met. And it's not because of me. If any good came from my parenting, it was only while I was acting on the indwelling life of Christ. As I type this my three year old thanks me for a 'nummy' dinner. Ahhh, it doesn't get any better than this.
I'm not the most spiritual of folk and I don't give the best advice. I don't get asked to do the important things. I don't lead anything and I'm not knwon for anything. I am, however, the best at my life.
I homeschool the heck out of my kids and see the beautiful results firsthand. No one else could do it better and I am the best of that. I love, love, love to type out my thoughts and feelings and have begun to write a book, a kindergarten curriculum, and I write articles for a nationwide homeschool magazine. I won't say I'm the best at those things, but sometimes when I get published, or simply get good feedback, I feel like the best. And that's good enough for me.
I have a husband that adores me and does anything for to make me happy and secure. If something really bothers me, he stops. If I really like something, he goes out of his way to get more for me. We are good at being married. I take pride in caring for him and know that I am the best at that.
The Lord has given me gratitude and joy after what seemed like was going to be a lifetime full of grief and illness.
This revelation was brought to me by someone I love and respect very much that is going through his own time of grief and sorrow. And as well as things are going I cannot fully enjoy it knowing that he is in his valley. I hope that he finds strength in the Lord to know his own worth.
It's all I can pray for anyone who's lost their way.
Thanks for reading,
Jackie