bullying

This morning I read the kids a book about a little girl that was being bullied. Not by children who threw fists or carried knives, but by a friend. Emotional bullying is every bit as harmful as physical bullying. Children and adults have committed suicide over it, or so I've read in the news. Anyway, I was intrigued by the maturity, yet simplicity of this book. I think that adults anywhere(probably mostly in the workplace) could benefit from it.
A friend that bullies is not a friend. In this book anytime the little girl would talk to her bullying "friend" about how she felt she would be told that she was just being sensitive and ridiculous.
Now, this world is run by Love and absolutely nothing more. I had a talk with my kids afterwards about what it means to live by Love. I capitalize "Love" because Christ is Love and we live by His life. We are creatures that react to our hurt feelings either by Love, or in the flesh. Any action or words meant to tear down or sting, is not acting out of Love. Does that mean we have to be bullied? Does the verse telling us to turn the other cheek mean that we no longer have the right to NOT be bullied? I doubt it.
What I told my children this morning is now something I am going to tell myself in similar situations. If there is relational aggression going on, it is not our jobs to find out why the person is behaving the way they are. If someone is bullying my kids, myself, or anyone else, that person is not a friend. A friend is someone who likes you, not bullies you. In this fallen world it is crucial to teach my kids skills that weren't taught 20 years ago. In turn, I am coming to see that adult bullying isn't much different. I am learning those skills too.
There are problems in life that aren't easily solved and this is one of them. It helps to know that people who are bullied are not alone. But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. In really seeking the Lord's heart on this matter and exploring how to preset it to my children, this is the conclusion I gave them, and myself. If being bullied, don't be "nicer" in hopes that the bully will all of the sudden see you as a friend. It's also not "just the way things are". As people who know the Lord we can see that when the excuses "that's just the way things are" or "just being real" are actually just acting in the flesh. True being real and the way things truly are, are in Christ. We stand for that. We uphold the Lord's right to love others, sometimes from afar. And, for the most part, the bullies we face don't even know the Lord, or at least not deeply. That is a great way to explain their behaviour to children.
I got this kids book at the library. It's called My Secret Bully and it has questions, suggestions, and resources. It's awesome.
Thank you for reading and please leave comments if you have 'em.
Love,
Jackie