The opposite of addiction is mindfulness. Escaping the bad feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear are what drives humans with addiction to turn to food, tv, shopping, gambling, drugs, and alcohol. Living with chronic pain, it's been hard to go without pain relief, or to just take the bare minimum in order to funtion. My doctor told me that what I had was a physical dependence and that it's different from addiction, but in my mind they are one in the same. Being physically dependant, I have needed my medicine in order to not become deathly ill. I have needed to take it before social situations and also before doing anything physical that would cause pain. I no longer depend on medication the way I did, which was 24/7. Although, I do have a few things for pain relief that I use when I can't stand up straight because of the discomfort.
I have been spending a lot of time with the Lord these days. In those quiet times it's easy to see that most of my life has been spent preparing for the future. To be still and know that He is God has been all to easy to overlook as I rush from one goal to another. Always trying to escape pain or even just bad feelings, like hurt and anger. Never fully experiencing the moment, but looking for relief from it instead. The Lord has inspired me to slow down and become alive to the wonders of ordinary life. To be okay with everything. Now, that doesn't mean that I no longer have any boundaries and that I become worthless, or a doormat. I take my cue from Christ... He acknowledged crossed boundaries, forgave, and moved on.
I allow myself to be in the moment, feel my pain and my anger instead of running from those things. I experience those feelings that the Lord Himself has felt at times. And then I am free to move on.
When living life one moment at a time, fully being involved in simple tasks, such as washing dishes, the responsibilities of life don't become so burdensome. I enjoy planning, but not so I can rush to do the thing I planned for, but simply because the planning itself is wonderful. It is life that I was given the opportunity to live. What a gift!
How can a being like me be given the chance at such a beautiful thing as life? And why on earth have I tried to escape it at all? Anytime I chose crappy television over real life, I escaped it. Anytime I chose desensitized life over full life, I escaped it.
This journey is by no means exciting all the time. It is a slow and sometimes painful one, but so full.
The Lord is outside of time. When He is the driving force behind my physical being and the Church as a whole, the ordinary becomes a miracle.
Thanks for reading,
love,
Jackie
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