what I wanted to share last night....

It has been a very busy Father's Day morning here in the Dukes' household. After cooking a big breakfast and cleaning my floors and folding my laundry, my thought are becoming almost organized enough to turn into a bog. :)
I am still coming off the emotional highs and lows of last night's meeting. I was so touched by all of the Saints that shared their hearts as well as the Brother that put together a time of teaching for us all. I love how beautiful it was to watch this man pour into us the joys and lessons he's learned throughout his marriage.
I wanted to share so bad last night, but I couldn't. If I would have began speaking, the water works would have turned on. I had such a hard time keeping myself together.
I do have some thoughts on things that were shared that I would love to add on...
I definitely see that men and women have been misunderstanding each other for centuries and it doesn't stop when we get married. Something a Brother said last night hit the nail on the metaphorical head... sometimes there are big "foxes" lurking in the bushes. Something more than a power struggle or a need to win an argument. Sometimes there are real trust, safety, and practical issues that spawn these smaller arguments. These are the big ones that split families up. Cheating, addiction, violence, as well as sexual and mental abuse. Both Chris and I, having openly shared our problems with addiction, understand that at any time these problems could become real for us. When that happens, showing love and affection, as well as respect and adoration can take a form different than what we're used to it looking like. In these cases, I have seen that respect can be putting ourselves in a vulnerable position. There have been times when Chris has needed to hold a mirror up to my face. I didn't feel very loved, but it was what I needed. There have also been times where I've had to do the same to him. He can tell you first hand that he did not feel respected during these times. But the safety of our children and of each other depended on that honesty and willingness to be "shot down" by the other. I am sure that these moments may have saved our lives at times.
One of the other things that I had to share was on the topic of respect. The Brother teaching shared that we all have this need, some more than others. I can say as a woman of the house, respect falls right up there with love and admiration. When I have not felt respected, it has turned me into Jackie in the flesh. The Sisters unfortunately have seen this side of me too many times! There was one time in particular that I felt my name was "smeared in the mud" and it cut to the depths. There were real issues that needed to be dealt with and bigger "foxes" that were lurking behind the bushes. The experience helped me to see that love and respect go hand in hand. You can have respect without love, but not love without respect.
I enjoyed last night's teaching very much. I enjoyed the sharing and singing immensely. I guess I was hoping for a magic solution to some of the bigger problems Chris and I deal with and share (openly). And because there are no two marriages the same, the only solution anyone can give is to turn to Christ. And that includes the Christ in each other. Certain Saints have been given to us to help us through certain problems. Not everyone can understand every issue and so that's where the recommendation from Frank came in... not to open up to the whole Church about deep problems, but only the ones that He directs us to.
The last 2 weeks on marriage have been extremely eye opening for both Chris and I. We have seen that we can't do "this" on our own. The old way of hiding our struggles is now gone. The Saints here are not looking at us and our mistakes, but look right through us to see Christ.
I especially want to thank the Sisters in the body. They have been better to me than any counseling I have ever received in the outside world. The beauty, strength, grace, love, and boldness in every Sister that has reached out to me, shared Christ with me, and loved on me despite my faults, has been life saving. I love you Sisters. I finally understand what Jennifer meant when she was describing the Sisterhood to me just before I came here. I get it, I get Him.
Thanks for letting me share. The Lord is so good to us.