learning to live by Love

This entry comes after a particularly difficult day with my children. I have three boys that are 2, 5, and 7. They bring me so much joy. They are curious, full of love and life, and love me so much that it flatters me sometimes.
Two of my boys have specific needs that go above and beyond the typical parenting day to day duties. One of them struggles to communicate his needs as we all learn to adjust to his alternate way of seeing the world. He is on the autism spectrum.
Another one of my children is so hyperactive that we can't get through half a day before he has hurt himself or his brothers accidentally. He struggles to pay attention long enough to complete a task as simple as putting his shorts on. He is immediately distracted at anything taking more than one step to do.
These are not behavior problems or issues. They have both been progressive and ongoing and I have seen the changes gradually happen before my eyes.
That doesn't mean that I am as understanding or as patient as I would like to be. I research and consult and still find that there is so much unknown about both autism and adhd.
After speaking with someone who had severe adhd as a child, and took medicine for it, I knew that medication was not the route to take for our family. I do not want them to have to deal with the serious side effects that those medicines cause. That is a major reason why we continue to homeschool when times get tough.
As a teacher I can give my sons the time and space they need in order to work at their own pace. I also don't have to be forced into putting them on medication.
One of the less difficult parts of all of this is something I'd like to write about, maybe to help others understand. Many people don't live with someone who lives life with an extra obstacle, but I know many people who do. The ones who do have been a great source of encouragement and comfort to me as I know I am not alone in what I go through each and every day. For as long as I can remember a lot of well meaning friends and family members have tried to give me advice as though my children had behavior issues. I have been offered a lot of creative and great advice, that unfortunately I can't use because I am not parenting children who respond or who need stricter guidelines or more punishment.
Parenting a child is always hard sometimes. Trying to think outside the box when there is a special need can be met with judgement, critism, or even just plain old misunderstanding. As much as I want to be shown mercy by those that don't understand, I am learning to show mercy to them as well. I would always smile politely and take another parent's advice, but unless that parent has a child that deals with autism and adhd on an 'every waking hour' basis, I would secretly be a little angry. As if I was being told I wasn't parenting well enough.
I now know that it was my own insecurities that project those thoughts. People want to be helpful by nature. When a fellow mom or dad sees me struggle, naturally they want to help. That's all. There is no big conspiracy to get me to "keep my kids in line a little better".
As many of you know, lately I have been under the weather. Dealing with health issues that involve pain. Pain that makes me less patient and a heck of a lot more irritable. I am telling myself what I wish I could tell others all the time.
My children are loving and intelligent. They are my full time job right now, as well as I am responsible for all of their education and I take that very seriously.
I am not going to be perfect at it. No mother is, but I am the perfect mother for my children. If they seem "wild" or "cranky", it is not because I don't punish them(believe me I do) or that I don't spend almost every moment on being a mom that tries to think outside the box so that my children have as normal life as possible.
They deal things that I never had to.
I try to be understanding and respectful of that.
And I am also going to be understanding and respectful of those who don't know much about my children. It is one more struggle, but I am finding a new way to live that doesn't require so much energy and effort. The same life that I am trying to teach my children to live by.
I hope that this blog entry shows a little insight as to what a stay at home mom of children with struggles deals with. I know we all deal with struggles, this is one of mine. I am learning and growing each day. And Jesus is good to us.
Love,
Jackie