When I was 17 I went to live at the Walter Hoving Home because I was using heroin everyday and couldn't stop by myself. There were times that I was homeless and stayed on other addicts couches, I sold my things, my family's things, and my soul for drugs and money. I was one of the "bad ones".
I did not know Christ when I went to the Home even though it was a Christian place. All the other girls were Christians. I was just there to "use" them. I was going to get clean, sober, and get my life together and then go back and kick life's ass. There was no way I was going to be converted to Christianity. To me, the whole thing seemed like a cult anyway.
At this Home I was given meals, a bed, and a safe, warm, and beautiful place to stay. I was given forgiveness because I was unrefined, rude, and had a bad attitude. I was shown Love because... well, because I was there. I was shown Love and forgiveness over and over again everyday for months. I was still skeptical. I avoided conversations about the Lord or I joined in only to try to prove someone wrong about God being anything other than a judge.
One afternoon after several months of being there I met the Lord. I fell in love with Him so hard that I can't even put it into words. The Walter Hoving Home is on a mountain top in beautiful upstate NY and that mountain belonged to me and Christ. If you have followed the Twilight movie series, me and the Lord's love rival Edward and Bella. There is actually a song in the Breaking Dawn soundtrack that I listen to over and over again because it reminds me of when I first fell in love with Him. (Here are the lyrics by the way because they are too awesome to not share.)
I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for the privilege of being yours.
If I had only felt the warmth within your touch.
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush.
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough.
I would have known what I was living for.
What I've been living for
Your love is my turning page
Only the sweetest words remain
Every kiss is a cursive line
Every touch is a redefining phrase
I surrender who I've been for who you are
Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
I would have known what I've been living for all along
What I've been living for
When I hear this song I remember my mountain top. I remember the people who gave of themselves so that I could one day meet Christ. Some of them were seasoned Christians and some knew the Lord for only a few months. They are the women who gave, and in return I am a mother who loves Christ and I am raising my children to love Christ. All because they loved and served me.
Since then I have tried to take part in ministry here and there. Some of it was forced and some of it was very natural and organic. I have been waiting for the day when I would get to love someone the way I was loved. I have been waiting for the nudge, permission, and privilege to be salt and light to the world.
Last year I went through a detox and I needed some help. I didn't need normal ministry, but I needed Christ's hand to help me and my family. My church served us meals and helped me watch my kids when I felt really sick. Sometimes all I needed was the silent strength I felt as I knew someone was praying for me, fasting for me , and beholding the Lord on my behalf. That month my church was a "drug addict" ministry just to put a name on it. But we didn't really call it anything.
Right now Chris and I are entering into a time of looking out. But what if I'm not ready? I'm not, but I don't need to be. There's no being ready when it comes to giving a thirsty person a glass of water. Christ is always equipped to give Christ. I will periodically give updates as Christ changes us through this season.
Thanks for reading!