Our family home schools. I thoroughly enjoy it and my children say they do too. It's not necessarily something we "do" between certain hours of each weekday, but rather more of a lifestyle. This coming year we are putting one of our young children into public school. It is mandatory he attends this school in order to get the speech therapy he needs 3 times a week. When he no longer needs the therapy, he'll be home with the rest of us. While he is in school we are still going to have our more cultural activities(art, music, poetry, nature, bible/history, science) in the afternoon so he can join in. I will still consider him a home schooled child because he will be learning most everything at home still.
We are not 'seasoned' hs'ers by any means, but we are no longer quite so new at it either. This coming school year will be our fourth. And in three years we have never taken an official break, like summer break, until this year. We are just starting back up into doing designated learning activities and writing after taking about a month off. We never stopped reading, science, and some geography only because it happened to a be a part of our daily lives anyway. What I learned during this time is that breaks are important. Even breaks from good things. It's good to feel a sense of relief from pressure to accomplish something. It's good for the kids to have a day so filled with relaxing and lazy-ness that they never end up getting dressed. It's healthy for me, mom, to have a break so that I can have the time to be inspired about our future plans, so that I can remember why we are doing this in the first place, so that I never get so burned out that I put my boys in school before the Lord gives me the "go ahead" to do so.
Something else that I have learned is that the curriculum I choose is not as important as the time I spend with them. There are methods galore to choose from and I have tried many. We spend thousands of dollars every year trying new things and building up our hs library. And while I value and treasure each tool I have for teaching/learning, none of it gets my kids going the way just spending time with them does. I have come to see that with a well planned, written out year, I could home school for free at the library and use the nature park and my kitchen as a science lab and learn just as much. Don't tell my husband. I see our years getting cheaper and cheaper as I discover what's really important in our journey.
Now, just because I said I could do it for free doesn't mean that it would be easy, so I am grateful for the many curriculums that I've learned so much from. Trying out different styles and mixing them together has shown me what I like and what won't work in our house. We have found that literature based(Charlotte Mason/Montessori method) curriculum with some unit studies thrown in there is best for us. Teaching with an idea in mind about what the Lord showed me our days should look like, led us to these types of books. I began with a very structured and well written curriculum called A Beka. It was school, only done at home. It was exactly what I needed to get me started. I needed a curriculum that was familiar to me(I went to public school) and that would help me gain confidence in my home school abilities. We began to look at homeschooling as chore using these books so that was what told me I needed to move on to something a little less structured and a lot more natural and free. We need lots of wiggle room for the extra learning opportunities that pop up in everyday life!
As we ease back into the organized, official days of homeschooling I am more excited and alive than ever! I am so grateful for the chance in life to do this. I am thankful that I get to be a mommy and I have been given the desire and tools to home school. I don't forget that these days are gifts from the Lord. I know that in the school year coming up I will face the days that make me question if we should go on, but as in life, the valleys make the mountains so much taller! It's the ups and downs that create life and I've learned more from the lows than the highs. Off to spend some time with my kids... happy homeschooling!
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
what I wanted to share last night....
It has been a very busy Father's Day morning here in the Dukes' household. After cooking a big breakfast and cleaning my floors and folding my laundry, my thought are becoming almost organized enough to turn into a bog. :)
I am still coming off the emotional highs and lows of last night's meeting. I was so touched by all of the Saints that shared their hearts as well as the Brother that put together a time of teaching for us all. I love how beautiful it was to watch this man pour into us the joys and lessons he's learned throughout his marriage.
I wanted to share so bad last night, but I couldn't. If I would have began speaking, the water works would have turned on. I had such a hard time keeping myself together.
I do have some thoughts on things that were shared that I would love to add on...
I definitely see that men and women have been misunderstanding each other for centuries and it doesn't stop when we get married. Something a Brother said last night hit the nail on the metaphorical head... sometimes there are big "foxes" lurking in the bushes. Something more than a power struggle or a need to win an argument. Sometimes there are real trust, safety, and practical issues that spawn these smaller arguments. These are the big ones that split families up. Cheating, addiction, violence, as well as sexual and mental abuse. Both Chris and I, having openly shared our problems with addiction, understand that at any time these problems could become real for us. When that happens, showing love and affection, as well as respect and adoration can take a form different than what we're used to it looking like. In these cases, I have seen that respect can be putting ourselves in a vulnerable position. There have been times when Chris has needed to hold a mirror up to my face. I didn't feel very loved, but it was what I needed. There have also been times where I've had to do the same to him. He can tell you first hand that he did not feel respected during these times. But the safety of our children and of each other depended on that honesty and willingness to be "shot down" by the other. I am sure that these moments may have saved our lives at times.
One of the other things that I had to share was on the topic of respect. The Brother teaching shared that we all have this need, some more than others. I can say as a woman of the house, respect falls right up there with love and admiration. When I have not felt respected, it has turned me into Jackie in the flesh. The Sisters unfortunately have seen this side of me too many times! There was one time in particular that I felt my name was "smeared in the mud" and it cut to the depths. There were real issues that needed to be dealt with and bigger "foxes" that were lurking behind the bushes. The experience helped me to see that love and respect go hand in hand. You can have respect without love, but not love without respect.
I enjoyed last night's teaching very much. I enjoyed the sharing and singing immensely. I guess I was hoping for a magic solution to some of the bigger problems Chris and I deal with and share (openly). And because there are no two marriages the same, the only solution anyone can give is to turn to Christ. And that includes the Christ in each other. Certain Saints have been given to us to help us through certain problems. Not everyone can understand every issue and so that's where the recommendation from Frank came in... not to open up to the whole Church about deep problems, but only the ones that He directs us to.
The last 2 weeks on marriage have been extremely eye opening for both Chris and I. We have seen that we can't do "this" on our own. The old way of hiding our struggles is now gone. The Saints here are not looking at us and our mistakes, but look right through us to see Christ.
I especially want to thank the Sisters in the body. They have been better to me than any counseling I have ever received in the outside world. The beauty, strength, grace, love, and boldness in every Sister that has reached out to me, shared Christ with me, and loved on me despite my faults, has been life saving. I love you Sisters. I finally understand what Jennifer meant when she was describing the Sisterhood to me just before I came here. I get it, I get Him.
Thanks for letting me share. The Lord is so good to us.
I am still coming off the emotional highs and lows of last night's meeting. I was so touched by all of the Saints that shared their hearts as well as the Brother that put together a time of teaching for us all. I love how beautiful it was to watch this man pour into us the joys and lessons he's learned throughout his marriage.
I wanted to share so bad last night, but I couldn't. If I would have began speaking, the water works would have turned on. I had such a hard time keeping myself together.
I do have some thoughts on things that were shared that I would love to add on...
I definitely see that men and women have been misunderstanding each other for centuries and it doesn't stop when we get married. Something a Brother said last night hit the nail on the metaphorical head... sometimes there are big "foxes" lurking in the bushes. Something more than a power struggle or a need to win an argument. Sometimes there are real trust, safety, and practical issues that spawn these smaller arguments. These are the big ones that split families up. Cheating, addiction, violence, as well as sexual and mental abuse. Both Chris and I, having openly shared our problems with addiction, understand that at any time these problems could become real for us. When that happens, showing love and affection, as well as respect and adoration can take a form different than what we're used to it looking like. In these cases, I have seen that respect can be putting ourselves in a vulnerable position. There have been times when Chris has needed to hold a mirror up to my face. I didn't feel very loved, but it was what I needed. There have also been times where I've had to do the same to him. He can tell you first hand that he did not feel respected during these times. But the safety of our children and of each other depended on that honesty and willingness to be "shot down" by the other. I am sure that these moments may have saved our lives at times.
One of the other things that I had to share was on the topic of respect. The Brother teaching shared that we all have this need, some more than others. I can say as a woman of the house, respect falls right up there with love and admiration. When I have not felt respected, it has turned me into Jackie in the flesh. The Sisters unfortunately have seen this side of me too many times! There was one time in particular that I felt my name was "smeared in the mud" and it cut to the depths. There were real issues that needed to be dealt with and bigger "foxes" that were lurking behind the bushes. The experience helped me to see that love and respect go hand in hand. You can have respect without love, but not love without respect.
I enjoyed last night's teaching very much. I enjoyed the sharing and singing immensely. I guess I was hoping for a magic solution to some of the bigger problems Chris and I deal with and share (openly). And because there are no two marriages the same, the only solution anyone can give is to turn to Christ. And that includes the Christ in each other. Certain Saints have been given to us to help us through certain problems. Not everyone can understand every issue and so that's where the recommendation from Frank came in... not to open up to the whole Church about deep problems, but only the ones that He directs us to.
The last 2 weeks on marriage have been extremely eye opening for both Chris and I. We have seen that we can't do "this" on our own. The old way of hiding our struggles is now gone. The Saints here are not looking at us and our mistakes, but look right through us to see Christ.
I especially want to thank the Sisters in the body. They have been better to me than any counseling I have ever received in the outside world. The beauty, strength, grace, love, and boldness in every Sister that has reached out to me, shared Christ with me, and loved on me despite my faults, has been life saving. I love you Sisters. I finally understand what Jennifer meant when she was describing the Sisterhood to me just before I came here. I get it, I get Him.
Thanks for letting me share. The Lord is so good to us.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
bullying
This morning I read the kids a book about a little girl that was being bullied. Not by children who threw fists or carried knives, but by a friend. Emotional bullying is every bit as harmful as physical bullying. Children and adults have committed suicide over it, or so I've read in the news. Anyway, I was intrigued by the maturity, yet simplicity of this book. I think that adults anywhere(probably mostly in the workplace) could benefit from it.
A friend that bullies is not a friend. In this book anytime the little girl would talk to her bullying "friend" about how she felt she would be told that she was just being sensitive and ridiculous.
Now, this world is run by Love and absolutely nothing more. I had a talk with my kids afterwards about what it means to live by Love. I capitalize "Love" because Christ is Love and we live by His life. We are creatures that react to our hurt feelings either by Love, or in the flesh. Any action or words meant to tear down or sting, is not acting out of Love. Does that mean we have to be bullied? Does the verse telling us to turn the other cheek mean that we no longer have the right to NOT be bullied? I doubt it.
What I told my children this morning is now something I am going to tell myself in similar situations. If there is relational aggression going on, it is not our jobs to find out why the person is behaving the way they are. If someone is bullying my kids, myself, or anyone else, that person is not a friend. A friend is someone who likes you, not bullies you. In this fallen world it is crucial to teach my kids skills that weren't taught 20 years ago. In turn, I am coming to see that adult bullying isn't much different. I am learning those skills too.
There are problems in life that aren't easily solved and this is one of them. It helps to know that people who are bullied are not alone. But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. In really seeking the Lord's heart on this matter and exploring how to preset it to my children, this is the conclusion I gave them, and myself. If being bullied, don't be "nicer" in hopes that the bully will all of the sudden see you as a friend. It's also not "just the way things are". As people who know the Lord we can see that when the excuses "that's just the way things are" or "just being real" are actually just acting in the flesh. True being real and the way things truly are, are in Christ. We stand for that. We uphold the Lord's right to love others, sometimes from afar. And, for the most part, the bullies we face don't even know the Lord, or at least not deeply. That is a great way to explain their behaviour to children.
I got this kids book at the library. It's called My Secret Bully and it has questions, suggestions, and resources. It's awesome.
Thank you for reading and please leave comments if you have 'em.
Love,
Jackie
A friend that bullies is not a friend. In this book anytime the little girl would talk to her bullying "friend" about how she felt she would be told that she was just being sensitive and ridiculous.
Now, this world is run by Love and absolutely nothing more. I had a talk with my kids afterwards about what it means to live by Love. I capitalize "Love" because Christ is Love and we live by His life. We are creatures that react to our hurt feelings either by Love, or in the flesh. Any action or words meant to tear down or sting, is not acting out of Love. Does that mean we have to be bullied? Does the verse telling us to turn the other cheek mean that we no longer have the right to NOT be bullied? I doubt it.
What I told my children this morning is now something I am going to tell myself in similar situations. If there is relational aggression going on, it is not our jobs to find out why the person is behaving the way they are. If someone is bullying my kids, myself, or anyone else, that person is not a friend. A friend is someone who likes you, not bullies you. In this fallen world it is crucial to teach my kids skills that weren't taught 20 years ago. In turn, I am coming to see that adult bullying isn't much different. I am learning those skills too.
There are problems in life that aren't easily solved and this is one of them. It helps to know that people who are bullied are not alone. But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. In really seeking the Lord's heart on this matter and exploring how to preset it to my children, this is the conclusion I gave them, and myself. If being bullied, don't be "nicer" in hopes that the bully will all of the sudden see you as a friend. It's also not "just the way things are". As people who know the Lord we can see that when the excuses "that's just the way things are" or "just being real" are actually just acting in the flesh. True being real and the way things truly are, are in Christ. We stand for that. We uphold the Lord's right to love others, sometimes from afar. And, for the most part, the bullies we face don't even know the Lord, or at least not deeply. That is a great way to explain their behaviour to children.
I got this kids book at the library. It's called My Secret Bully and it has questions, suggestions, and resources. It's awesome.
Thank you for reading and please leave comments if you have 'em.
Love,
Jackie
Sunday, May 15, 2011
the miracle of the ordinary
The opposite of addiction is mindfulness. Escaping the bad feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear are what drives humans with addiction to turn to food, tv, shopping, gambling, drugs, and alcohol. Living with chronic pain, it's been hard to go without pain relief, or to just take the bare minimum in order to funtion. My doctor told me that what I had was a physical dependence and that it's different from addiction, but in my mind they are one in the same. Being physically dependant, I have needed my medicine in order to not become deathly ill. I have needed to take it before social situations and also before doing anything physical that would cause pain. I no longer depend on medication the way I did, which was 24/7. Although, I do have a few things for pain relief that I use when I can't stand up straight because of the discomfort.
I have been spending a lot of time with the Lord these days. In those quiet times it's easy to see that most of my life has been spent preparing for the future. To be still and know that He is God has been all to easy to overlook as I rush from one goal to another. Always trying to escape pain or even just bad feelings, like hurt and anger. Never fully experiencing the moment, but looking for relief from it instead. The Lord has inspired me to slow down and become alive to the wonders of ordinary life. To be okay with everything. Now, that doesn't mean that I no longer have any boundaries and that I become worthless, or a doormat. I take my cue from Christ... He acknowledged crossed boundaries, forgave, and moved on.
I allow myself to be in the moment, feel my pain and my anger instead of running from those things. I experience those feelings that the Lord Himself has felt at times. And then I am free to move on.
When living life one moment at a time, fully being involved in simple tasks, such as washing dishes, the responsibilities of life don't become so burdensome. I enjoy planning, but not so I can rush to do the thing I planned for, but simply because the planning itself is wonderful. It is life that I was given the opportunity to live. What a gift!
How can a being like me be given the chance at such a beautiful thing as life? And why on earth have I tried to escape it at all? Anytime I chose crappy television over real life, I escaped it. Anytime I chose desensitized life over full life, I escaped it.
This journey is by no means exciting all the time. It is a slow and sometimes painful one, but so full.
The Lord is outside of time. When He is the driving force behind my physical being and the Church as a whole, the ordinary becomes a miracle.
Thanks for reading,
love,
Jackie
I have been spending a lot of time with the Lord these days. In those quiet times it's easy to see that most of my life has been spent preparing for the future. To be still and know that He is God has been all to easy to overlook as I rush from one goal to another. Always trying to escape pain or even just bad feelings, like hurt and anger. Never fully experiencing the moment, but looking for relief from it instead. The Lord has inspired me to slow down and become alive to the wonders of ordinary life. To be okay with everything. Now, that doesn't mean that I no longer have any boundaries and that I become worthless, or a doormat. I take my cue from Christ... He acknowledged crossed boundaries, forgave, and moved on.
I allow myself to be in the moment, feel my pain and my anger instead of running from those things. I experience those feelings that the Lord Himself has felt at times. And then I am free to move on.
When living life one moment at a time, fully being involved in simple tasks, such as washing dishes, the responsibilities of life don't become so burdensome. I enjoy planning, but not so I can rush to do the thing I planned for, but simply because the planning itself is wonderful. It is life that I was given the opportunity to live. What a gift!
How can a being like me be given the chance at such a beautiful thing as life? And why on earth have I tried to escape it at all? Anytime I chose crappy television over real life, I escaped it. Anytime I chose desensitized life over full life, I escaped it.
This journey is by no means exciting all the time. It is a slow and sometimes painful one, but so full.
The Lord is outside of time. When He is the driving force behind my physical being and the Church as a whole, the ordinary becomes a miracle.
Thanks for reading,
love,
Jackie
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
comfort in the face of fear
A few days ago I went to visit Amy in the hospital. I was so happy to see her, finally. The day before that, she decided that she wanted visitors after a week in the hospital. I understood. When you are in so much pain that having a simple conversation is hard, having to put on a "happy face" for a visitor is just too much work. From home, I did what I could for her and prayed. My kids and husband did the same. We prayed seperately and as a family for our Sister in the hospital.
That night, after visiting her, I got to stay with her. Jennifer had stayed with her the night before. Derek was telling us about all the wonderful ways Jenn had spoiled Amy. After looking at Amy's perfectly painted toe nails I realized just how high the bar was set for visitors. :)
I tried to be as "out of the way" as I could while still loving on her and being there for Derek.
It really hit me that night that while Derek's emails were true, they didn't express just how scary it was. Things kept happening and she would wince in pain. There were several siezure type episodes. She knew something was wrong and at this point couldn't speak much. I was taken aback at how even though Derek felt scared, he was a picture of Strength for her.
I had this plan. I was going to put lotion on her and read/sing the songbook, and read Breaking Dawn to her. Before Kim went home we prayed and sang over her. I got to sing to her for a bit while alone with her too. The other things didn't get to happen as there weren't too many moments of peace. This was the night that she had been transferred to Shands. I started to get angry that the Shands doctors weren't rushing around working on her as fast as they could to relieve her suffering. I ran out into the hall to tell a doctor to hurry during one of her siezures because I was afraid she was having a heart attack. I was afraid that I was watching her die and it angered me. I couldn't understand why Christ wasn't healing her instantly. It was easy to pray for her from home where I didn't have to watch her body contorting into wierd positions. Then she would moan that something was wrong and someone needed to help her right before she went 'blank'. It made me so angry that this was happening to one of the loveliest people I have ever met in my life. I had to be careful not to make Derek feel as though he had to comfort me at all, I was here for them, not the other way around. Derek was so kind and at point in the night asked if I was okay because he was scared and knew I was scared too. I knew that Amy would have a full healthy recovery, I had just forgot for a moment in response to everything going on. She cried out "Jesus, help me" and I knew then that she was right on. He was the only One that could help her in that moment.
As the morning approached, she began looking at me and calling me by name. She was able to get rest and finally have some relief from her nightmare of an evening.
What I noticed right away was that Derek didn't shy away from her even when he was scared. He would hold her closest when the scary things happened and kiss her and love on her. My first reaction was to want to jump up and look for help and basically panic. But, just looking at Derek I instantly felt calm. We don't live by the same fears as those who don't know Christ. His love and support for his wife was a shadow of our relationship with Jesus Christ.
I was hesitant to share about Amy. After talking to a Sister this morning about my evening with her, I saw that we are all in this together. We are all family and everyone in the Body is her Brother or Sister and cares about her and wants to be updated. I think that's why we all look for and expect updates all the time. We want to know how she's doing because not a minute goes by that we aren't praying for, or thinking of her and Derek.
I am excited to hear that she is making progress. The siezures have stopped and she's talking. I can't wait until my next scheduled time to sit with her.
I normally don't quote scripture, but have had this one HEAVY on my heart for a few days now...
The Lord is my strength and my shield. I trust Him with all of my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanskgiving.(Psalm28:7)
Thanks for reading,
Jackie
That night, after visiting her, I got to stay with her. Jennifer had stayed with her the night before. Derek was telling us about all the wonderful ways Jenn had spoiled Amy. After looking at Amy's perfectly painted toe nails I realized just how high the bar was set for visitors. :)
I tried to be as "out of the way" as I could while still loving on her and being there for Derek.
It really hit me that night that while Derek's emails were true, they didn't express just how scary it was. Things kept happening and she would wince in pain. There were several siezure type episodes. She knew something was wrong and at this point couldn't speak much. I was taken aback at how even though Derek felt scared, he was a picture of Strength for her.
I had this plan. I was going to put lotion on her and read/sing the songbook, and read Breaking Dawn to her. Before Kim went home we prayed and sang over her. I got to sing to her for a bit while alone with her too. The other things didn't get to happen as there weren't too many moments of peace. This was the night that she had been transferred to Shands. I started to get angry that the Shands doctors weren't rushing around working on her as fast as they could to relieve her suffering. I ran out into the hall to tell a doctor to hurry during one of her siezures because I was afraid she was having a heart attack. I was afraid that I was watching her die and it angered me. I couldn't understand why Christ wasn't healing her instantly. It was easy to pray for her from home where I didn't have to watch her body contorting into wierd positions. Then she would moan that something was wrong and someone needed to help her right before she went 'blank'. It made me so angry that this was happening to one of the loveliest people I have ever met in my life. I had to be careful not to make Derek feel as though he had to comfort me at all, I was here for them, not the other way around. Derek was so kind and at point in the night asked if I was okay because he was scared and knew I was scared too. I knew that Amy would have a full healthy recovery, I had just forgot for a moment in response to everything going on. She cried out "Jesus, help me" and I knew then that she was right on. He was the only One that could help her in that moment.
As the morning approached, she began looking at me and calling me by name. She was able to get rest and finally have some relief from her nightmare of an evening.
What I noticed right away was that Derek didn't shy away from her even when he was scared. He would hold her closest when the scary things happened and kiss her and love on her. My first reaction was to want to jump up and look for help and basically panic. But, just looking at Derek I instantly felt calm. We don't live by the same fears as those who don't know Christ. His love and support for his wife was a shadow of our relationship with Jesus Christ.
I was hesitant to share about Amy. After talking to a Sister this morning about my evening with her, I saw that we are all in this together. We are all family and everyone in the Body is her Brother or Sister and cares about her and wants to be updated. I think that's why we all look for and expect updates all the time. We want to know how she's doing because not a minute goes by that we aren't praying for, or thinking of her and Derek.
I am excited to hear that she is making progress. The siezures have stopped and she's talking. I can't wait until my next scheduled time to sit with her.
I normally don't quote scripture, but have had this one HEAVY on my heart for a few days now...
The Lord is my strength and my shield. I trust Him with all of my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanskgiving.(Psalm28:7)
Thanks for reading,
Jackie
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
judge not, lest ye be judged
There is a real person inside, the Life of Christ. This person is becoming infused in me like a tea bag in hot water(not my words, borrowing from a great teacher). It cannot be seperated.
It is Christ that leads me to show kindness and it is only Christ if I ever do anything selfless. There are things that could be perceived as selfless, but if the old man is doing them, those acts are motivated by flesh. The motives are not of Love, but of something else. When the Lord brings us to our end, there is a death and then a resurrection, and then after that there is a new Life that is growing inside like a baby. After receiving this new Life, everything changes and the Life begins to grow and take up more space.
The life of Love inside will compell me to do things I really do not want to do. Things that I will never in a million years get glory for. Every Christian that has this Life inside will be given this new way to live.
This way that seems so hard. But so worth it. The glory is not in any credit we receive, but in knowing that His blood is flowing through us and changing who we are and what we do.
There is a silent sense of safety in this new life. Because it is Christ that is living in Shane(made up person) and Christ that is leading Shane to change and everyday become more like Jesus Himself, than we would be fools to reject Shane or ignore him, or judge him, or any of the other things we do to people.
Now I know this is nothing new here, but I am having a pretty big revelation on the concept that I need to treat every person as though Christ were living inside.
What if someone I didn't know very well, such as Shane, had our Lord living in Him and was carrying out His will in him? And I, not knowing Shane was a Christian because he didn't go to my small group, secretly judged his motives for opening the door for a lady. When all along it was Christ leading Shane to do this. I would have just judged the Master of my Universe. Ouch.
The same thing happens with those I know are walking with the Lord. Sometimes I catch myself judging a motive here or there. Boy, am I dead wrong in doing that. Who's to say that Christ isn't leading the very action I have judged.
Sorry to bring you along on my very simple and long overdue mind journey here.
I hope Christ continues to clear up my head the way He's been doing. So many things are making sense to me now. I enjoy writing about it so I can look back years from now and read about the day I learned it was good to be kind to everyone.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
It is Christ that leads me to show kindness and it is only Christ if I ever do anything selfless. There are things that could be perceived as selfless, but if the old man is doing them, those acts are motivated by flesh. The motives are not of Love, but of something else. When the Lord brings us to our end, there is a death and then a resurrection, and then after that there is a new Life that is growing inside like a baby. After receiving this new Life, everything changes and the Life begins to grow and take up more space.
The life of Love inside will compell me to do things I really do not want to do. Things that I will never in a million years get glory for. Every Christian that has this Life inside will be given this new way to live.
This way that seems so hard. But so worth it. The glory is not in any credit we receive, but in knowing that His blood is flowing through us and changing who we are and what we do.
There is a silent sense of safety in this new life. Because it is Christ that is living in Shane(made up person) and Christ that is leading Shane to change and everyday become more like Jesus Himself, than we would be fools to reject Shane or ignore him, or judge him, or any of the other things we do to people.
Now I know this is nothing new here, but I am having a pretty big revelation on the concept that I need to treat every person as though Christ were living inside.
What if someone I didn't know very well, such as Shane, had our Lord living in Him and was carrying out His will in him? And I, not knowing Shane was a Christian because he didn't go to my small group, secretly judged his motives for opening the door for a lady. When all along it was Christ leading Shane to do this. I would have just judged the Master of my Universe. Ouch.
The same thing happens with those I know are walking with the Lord. Sometimes I catch myself judging a motive here or there. Boy, am I dead wrong in doing that. Who's to say that Christ isn't leading the very action I have judged.
Sorry to bring you along on my very simple and long overdue mind journey here.
I hope Christ continues to clear up my head the way He's been doing. So many things are making sense to me now. I enjoy writing about it so I can look back years from now and read about the day I learned it was good to be kind to everyone.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Love,
Jackie
Thursday, April 14, 2011
learning to live by Love
This entry comes after a particularly difficult day with my children. I have three boys that are 2, 5, and 7. They bring me so much joy. They are curious, full of love and life, and love me so much that it flatters me sometimes.
Two of my boys have specific needs that go above and beyond the typical parenting day to day duties. One of them struggles to communicate his needs as we all learn to adjust to his alternate way of seeing the world. He is on the autism spectrum.
Another one of my children is so hyperactive that we can't get through half a day before he has hurt himself or his brothers accidentally. He struggles to pay attention long enough to complete a task as simple as putting his shorts on. He is immediately distracted at anything taking more than one step to do.
These are not behavior problems or issues. They have both been progressive and ongoing and I have seen the changes gradually happen before my eyes.
That doesn't mean that I am as understanding or as patient as I would like to be. I research and consult and still find that there is so much unknown about both autism and adhd.
After speaking with someone who had severe adhd as a child, and took medicine for it, I knew that medication was not the route to take for our family. I do not want them to have to deal with the serious side effects that those medicines cause. That is a major reason why we continue to homeschool when times get tough.
As a teacher I can give my sons the time and space they need in order to work at their own pace. I also don't have to be forced into putting them on medication.
One of the less difficult parts of all of this is something I'd like to write about, maybe to help others understand. Many people don't live with someone who lives life with an extra obstacle, but I know many people who do. The ones who do have been a great source of encouragement and comfort to me as I know I am not alone in what I go through each and every day. For as long as I can remember a lot of well meaning friends and family members have tried to give me advice as though my children had behavior issues. I have been offered a lot of creative and great advice, that unfortunately I can't use because I am not parenting children who respond or who need stricter guidelines or more punishment.
Parenting a child is always hard sometimes. Trying to think outside the box when there is a special need can be met with judgement, critism, or even just plain old misunderstanding. As much as I want to be shown mercy by those that don't understand, I am learning to show mercy to them as well. I would always smile politely and take another parent's advice, but unless that parent has a child that deals with autism and adhd on an 'every waking hour' basis, I would secretly be a little angry. As if I was being told I wasn't parenting well enough.
I now know that it was my own insecurities that project those thoughts. People want to be helpful by nature. When a fellow mom or dad sees me struggle, naturally they want to help. That's all. There is no big conspiracy to get me to "keep my kids in line a little better".
As many of you know, lately I have been under the weather. Dealing with health issues that involve pain. Pain that makes me less patient and a heck of a lot more irritable. I am telling myself what I wish I could tell others all the time.
My children are loving and intelligent. They are my full time job right now, as well as I am responsible for all of their education and I take that very seriously.
I am not going to be perfect at it. No mother is, but I am the perfect mother for my children. If they seem "wild" or "cranky", it is not because I don't punish them(believe me I do) or that I don't spend almost every moment on being a mom that tries to think outside the box so that my children have as normal life as possible.
They deal things that I never had to.
I try to be understanding and respectful of that.
And I am also going to be understanding and respectful of those who don't know much about my children. It is one more struggle, but I am finding a new way to live that doesn't require so much energy and effort. The same life that I am trying to teach my children to live by.
I hope that this blog entry shows a little insight as to what a stay at home mom of children with struggles deals with. I know we all deal with struggles, this is one of mine. I am learning and growing each day. And Jesus is good to us.
Love,
Jackie
Two of my boys have specific needs that go above and beyond the typical parenting day to day duties. One of them struggles to communicate his needs as we all learn to adjust to his alternate way of seeing the world. He is on the autism spectrum.
Another one of my children is so hyperactive that we can't get through half a day before he has hurt himself or his brothers accidentally. He struggles to pay attention long enough to complete a task as simple as putting his shorts on. He is immediately distracted at anything taking more than one step to do.
These are not behavior problems or issues. They have both been progressive and ongoing and I have seen the changes gradually happen before my eyes.
That doesn't mean that I am as understanding or as patient as I would like to be. I research and consult and still find that there is so much unknown about both autism and adhd.
After speaking with someone who had severe adhd as a child, and took medicine for it, I knew that medication was not the route to take for our family. I do not want them to have to deal with the serious side effects that those medicines cause. That is a major reason why we continue to homeschool when times get tough.
As a teacher I can give my sons the time and space they need in order to work at their own pace. I also don't have to be forced into putting them on medication.
One of the less difficult parts of all of this is something I'd like to write about, maybe to help others understand. Many people don't live with someone who lives life with an extra obstacle, but I know many people who do. The ones who do have been a great source of encouragement and comfort to me as I know I am not alone in what I go through each and every day. For as long as I can remember a lot of well meaning friends and family members have tried to give me advice as though my children had behavior issues. I have been offered a lot of creative and great advice, that unfortunately I can't use because I am not parenting children who respond or who need stricter guidelines or more punishment.
Parenting a child is always hard sometimes. Trying to think outside the box when there is a special need can be met with judgement, critism, or even just plain old misunderstanding. As much as I want to be shown mercy by those that don't understand, I am learning to show mercy to them as well. I would always smile politely and take another parent's advice, but unless that parent has a child that deals with autism and adhd on an 'every waking hour' basis, I would secretly be a little angry. As if I was being told I wasn't parenting well enough.
I now know that it was my own insecurities that project those thoughts. People want to be helpful by nature. When a fellow mom or dad sees me struggle, naturally they want to help. That's all. There is no big conspiracy to get me to "keep my kids in line a little better".
As many of you know, lately I have been under the weather. Dealing with health issues that involve pain. Pain that makes me less patient and a heck of a lot more irritable. I am telling myself what I wish I could tell others all the time.
My children are loving and intelligent. They are my full time job right now, as well as I am responsible for all of their education and I take that very seriously.
I am not going to be perfect at it. No mother is, but I am the perfect mother for my children. If they seem "wild" or "cranky", it is not because I don't punish them(believe me I do) or that I don't spend almost every moment on being a mom that tries to think outside the box so that my children have as normal life as possible.
They deal things that I never had to.
I try to be understanding and respectful of that.
And I am also going to be understanding and respectful of those who don't know much about my children. It is one more struggle, but I am finding a new way to live that doesn't require so much energy and effort. The same life that I am trying to teach my children to live by.
I hope that this blog entry shows a little insight as to what a stay at home mom of children with struggles deals with. I know we all deal with struggles, this is one of mine. I am learning and growing each day. And Jesus is good to us.
Love,
Jackie
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